I've worked out why Newcastle is one of the UK's worst cities and it's bad news

A lot has been made of the fact that Newcastle has appeared in the upper reaches of a list of the UK's worst cities to live in and I think I've found out why. It's time to fact the facts and dish out some brutal home truths - strap yourself in Geordies, you're probably not going to like this!

The ranking of the worst cities in the UK first appeared in an article from The Mirror last year, with the paper referring to findings made by consultancy firm PWC, who assessed each city on 12 criteria: health, income, jobs, safety, skills, work-life balance, housing, commuting to work times, income equality, high street shops environment and business start-ups.

Their stats left Newcastle in 5th place in a top 10 that also included Manchester, London and North East neighbour Sunderland, just ahead of the Toon in third. The damning list has received further attention this week, thanks to being circulated by a well known content creator on Instagram, with many people outraged that Newcastle was anywhere near it and the city joining together to defiantly hit back at the suggestion Newcastle could be anything other than an amazing place to call home.

Well, here at ChronicleLive we've done some digging of our own and, I'm sorry to report (with tongue firmly in cheek!) that I've identified a few key reasons why Newcastle could be a candidate for one of the worst cities in the country.

The architecture is awful

I mean look at that! Who in their right mind would want to have a view of that on their walk to and from work or when nipping out for lunch?! Stunning buildings, one of the THE most picturesque streets in the entire country...I see an issue here.

And don't even get me started on that Quayside. There is nothing I detest more than being able to walk along the river on a glorious sunny day, with the option of doing so with an ice cream in hand and taking in the sights of the the Tyne Bridge, Millennium Bridge, Baltic and Glasshouse. It's enough to make you sick!

The people are so miserable

Look at that picture. Honestly, is it any wonder the city is on a list of the worst in the UK, when visitors are greeted with a smile like that from the captain of the local football team? If living in Newcastle makes you THAT happy, why would you even bother?!

I mean. come on, people even have the audacity to try and smile at you on the Metro or say 'good morning' when you go and get a coffee - nobody's got time for that kind of behaviour!

Newcastle really can't throw a party!

I heard a few whispers that the whole of Newcastle city centre was a sea of black and white last weekend, with epic scenes as 300,000 lined the street to celebrate something. Football players on buses, people on roofs with flags, horns and klaxons going off all over, the whole of Tyneside being on cloud nine. Come on Newcastle, you really need to try harder!

There are hardly any bars

I mean if you're impressed by the fact that there are over 170 pubs within a 1 mile radius of St James' Park alone, that's your prerogative. And yes, I know there's the always bustling Bigg Market, the Quayside, Stack, all the pubs in Jesmond and Ouseburn, but what's a boy to do to get a drink around here?

Yeah we might have a few award winners in our midst and some brilliant beer gardens with epic views; but honestly Newcastle, this worst city in the UK tag is starting to become more and more justified the more I write!

Zero culture whatsoever

Okay Newcastle, so you've got a massive art gallery, five different theatres - the Theatre Royal, Tyne Theatre, Live Theatre, Northern Stage and the Alphabetti - as well as an arena, comedy club and a host of independent music venues; but if you think that having world famous stars and acclaimed productions arrive in the city pretty much every single week, is going to impress anybody, you need to take a long look at yourself in the mirror!

Oh and the music. Local Hero and Run for Home are apparently songs that are written in Geordie folklore. That's all well and good if you like a bit of music that fills your heart with pride and gives you goosebumps every time you hear it - but where's the fun in that?!

Sam Fender, Sting, Mark Knopfler, Brian Johnson - never heard of them!

The 'thriving' food scene leaves a lot to be desired

Sure, if you like restaurants with Michelin stars and awards to their name; places that have charmed even the fiercest of food critics and ones that have celebrities flocking all the time and have earned themselves a reputation for serving up top notch cuisine, be my guest.

It gets worse as well as the city is also home to loads of old school 'hidden gems.' that are still going strong decades after opening. Just what are you playing at Newcastle?!

I'm also sure I've seen pictures of independent bakeries and cafes with queues out the door, so, if you're short on something to do, you could always try one of them. Don't blame us though!

And a Greggs on every corner you say? Well that's OK if you're one of those people that can't get enough of the buttery goodness of a freshly baked sausage roll or chicken bake. Each to their own!

Not even its nearby beaches can save it!

Yes, I know technically Newcastle doesn't have a beach but I'm clutching at straws here trying to find something to save it. If golden sands, clear waters and stunning views are your idea of a good time, fair dos, but honestly, 5 star beaches up and down the North East coast, some with national titles and an array of celebrity admirers is no biggie.

Apparently there are also some great places for fish and chips that have had people flocking from all over the world. Hmmm, whatever floats your boat!

So, in conclusion, if you like a city brimming with culture that's home to some fantastic architecture, where you can have a great night out, enjoy some top notch food and drink, meet some lovely people and have some cracking beaches on your doorstep, maybe consider moving to Newcastle. But don't say I didn't warn you!