In this week’s story, an ethically nonmonogamous woman goes on another date with an influencer and blocks a divorced guy with bad vibes: 40, single, New York.
DAY ONE
6:56 a.m. I went to bed so late last night because I had a boring date that ran long, and now I’m awake for no reason other than anxiety. I’m one of those anxious-all-the-time people.
7 a.m. I roll out of bed and put on a podcast (Las Culturistas) and make coffee. It’s like I can’t be in silence anymore. There is always a podcast, or a TV show, or a Zoom, or a Slack alert in my ear. It’s so bad.
8:35 a.m. I’m always the first one at work. I’m a nonprofit lawyer who works with a bunch of other save-the-worlders and our office is in Downtown Brooklyn.
11 a.m. I take a quick break from work to do some dating upkeep. I’m an ethically non-monogamous queer woman who isn’t really entrenched in the ENM or poly world socially (my friends are straight married people with kids), but I’m happy that there’s a strong community of people who understand my belief system around dating. I got married in my 20s and felt trapped; we got divorced in my early 30s, and I vowed to never have a traditional relationship like that again. It did not suit me.
3 p.m. Confirm plans to see Robbie tomorrow. First date. All I know about him is that he looks hot, works in the public-school system, and he’s married and open. I also flirt a little with Maura, who I’ve had a few dates with and want to see again. I send her some memes and also a selfie of me drinking a matcha latte because she loves matcha lattes.
5 p.m. By this time in the day, I really hit a wall. So I’m just ordering stupid shit off Amazon like an extension cord and a paper-towel subscription and not even pretending to work. In a few minutes, I’ll pack up and leave.
7 p.m. Evening Pilates class. I hate it, but I need it.
9 p.m. Finally, I can focus on my online dating! I go on Feeld, Tinder, the usuals. I would like to find a few more people to crush on. That’s all I really want right now — more crushes! I like sex, but I’ve had so much hot sex since my divorce that right now I’m more interested in butterflies.
10 p.m. A couple work emails, then bed for me. I’m tired. I have a hard time falling asleep. It usually takes an hour or more, so I like to tuck myself in early, knowing it will take forever to drift off.
DAY TWO
6:30 a.m. I feel somewhat alive when I open my eyes today. I’m sore from Pilates, but that means it’s working!
10 a.m. My colleague has a birthday today so we’re all about to go out for lunch. The restaurant she chose is actually owned by my ex-husband. I don’t tell anyone that, because I’m really serious about not talking about my personal life at work, but I hope we don’t see him there. I really broke his heart when I divorced him, especially because I had been cheating on him for a year, and he found out. I simply could not be monogamous, and that was my truth. I had to be my authentic self, otherwise I’d still be living a lie and hurting people. I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me, but I have forgiven myself.
1 p.m. We’re at the restaurant and I know the GM, who says my ex is in California this week. Phew! I have to explain to my colleagues how I know the GM, so I casually say my ex owns the place. They all make a big deal about me being so private, and I take it on the chin.
4 p.m. Back at work, Robbie suggests a bar that’s near my office. I love this particular bar, so I’m excited for the date. I won’t get to change first, but that’s okay. I look cute today in an off-the-shoulder sweatshirt and flared jeans.
6:40 p.m. I’m ten minutes late on purpose. Robbie is at the bar sipping some whiskey cocktail. He’s really hot. It almost doesn’t make sense. How is a gorgeous man like this just out in the wild here in Brooklyn? If he’s this hot, I can only imagine how beautiful his wife is. I don’t like to date couples, but I have no rules about it. Let’s see how the night goes!
8 p.m. Okay, Robbie is hot but he’s kinda weird. He’s very intense. He asks deep questions (“How does your core value system intersect with your dating decisions?”). But then when I ask him about anything, like his marriage, he deflects with some psychobabble about philosophy and spirituality.
9 p.m. The date ends without me really understanding who this guy is. I’m attracted to him but also turned off by him, so I pretend I have an early flight tomorrow and we hug good-bye.
11 p.m. I lie in bed wondering what his deal is.
DAY THREE
8 a.m. Breakfast meeting with some old colleagues. I actually started in corporate law, but I didn’t have the stomach for it, and once a month, my old friends from work have breakfast. It’s a really great group of people, most of whom have become very rich and successful. And then there’s me. But at least my work has soul, and I still have a soul, so I don’t feel sorry for myself even though they all have Hamptons houses now and I have nothing — except for self-respect!
2 p.m. I get a text from Robbie asking how my flight was … and an unsolicited dick pick. This dude is bad news. I delete and block. I don’t need to deal with this. Even the dick didn’t look right.
5 p.m. This all makes me think about Maura. I text her to see about dinner tomorrow night. She said she has a friend’s birthday party but we can grab a quick bite before. I’m a bit intimidated by Maura and her hip friends and their parties, but I’m confident enough to move past it. I pick a place near her apartment in Greenpoint and start thinking about who else I can flirt with to scrub clean the Robbie of it all.
7 p.m. Quick drink with another friend who used to live in my building. She’s a married, monogamous lesbian and always wants to set me up with her friends, but none of them are my type. I’m pretty superficial when it comes to the people I date. I am totally attracted to Gabby Windey; that’s my type.
10 p.m. Fingers burn from swiping, but I flirted all night with a pilot from London who’s often in the city. I’m sure he’s married and fully cheating on his wife in the U.K., even though his profile is vague and there is no sign of a wife, but he’s hot and dangerous and I’m intrigued.
11 p.m. Start talking to a couple on Feeld, but they’re looking to party and fuck tonight and I just don’t have anything resembling that kind of energy in me. Good night, horny people!
DAY FOUR
7 a.m. I get to work early so I can leave early. I want to shower and really bring it for the Maura date later.
11 a.m. Crank at my desk all day while barely looking up. It strikes me that I’m starving, so I run out and get Shake Shack to go, which always disappoints these days.
3 p.m. I text Maura the bar I’m thinking about for tonight. It has great food and really good drinks. She doesn’t write back. She’s a few years younger than me but still in a “young, dumb, and having fun” era. It’s sexy, sure, but a little exhausting. Like, she’s flaked on a few dates, and also lost her wallet on our last date. It’s not sinister, it’s just a little immature. We’ve hooked up a few times and it’s really divine. She’s super-sexual and her body lights me up. But I have a feeling she’ll flake tonight and that’s a bit deflating …
5 p.m. Maura responds with a thumbs-up to my bar suggestion. So I guess we’re on? How do these people who don’t have real jobs (she’s an influencer) never have time to properly write a text? Regardless, I guess I’m seeing her soon.
6:30 p.m. Shower, then drink a glass of wine while I do my hair and makeup. I was a model during law school and a little in my 20s, until lawyer life became all-consuming, so I know how to do glam.
7:30 p.m. Maura and I show up around the same time. We kiss on the lips. Her energy is wild. She orders a drink and we talk and kiss a little. I think she might be on coke or something, but I’m not sure and don’t want to ask.
8:30 p.m. After two drinks, she’s really touchy and I’m also very horny for her. I ask how much time until her friend’s birthday thing. She says she is supposed to be there soon. So we slither into the bathroom together in the most obvious way — it’s like a one-room bathroom, no stalls — and start kissing and fooling around a little. She fingers me and it’s beyond hot. I come super-quickly, and before I can make her come, someone knocks on the door. It’s embarrassing, but I’m totally euphoric from my orgasm, so … all good?!
9 p.m. We kiss again good-bye, and Maura hops an Uber to her party. She didn’t invite me, but it’s not like I wanted to go. She’s a wild one, that Maura. But I had a great time.
11 p.m. Chug buckets of water since two drinks is a lot for me, and take some melatonin to sleep.
DAY FIVE
9 a.m. Dentist appointment! Nothing sexy happening here.
11:30 a.m. TGIF. I love what I do, as I really help people, but I’m ready for the week to end. I’m good about leaving it all at the office on the weekends. Just need to get through today.
3 p.m. I make plans to meet up with a guy from Feeld, Theo, who is new to ENM. These newbies are usually sketchballs or losers, to be honest. They just don’t get it. They want to fuck a bunch of women but don’t have the right value system behind it, or any value system at all. (Wait, do I sound like Robbie now?) But Theo seems sweet and he’s got the look I’m into — the “sexy bad boy.” We’ll meet up tomorrow.
6 p.m. My colleagues are getting drinks, so I tag along. There’s one person, Victoria, who I’m actually friends with out of the office, and she and I catch up a little about her marriage and my dating life. No one besides Victoria knows that I’m ENM, but they know I’m happily single and living my best life. That’s all they need to know! I drink half a martini and head home.
11 p.m. I saved all the White Lotus episodes to binge at once, so that’s what I did tonight, and let me tell you, it was a journey! Time for bed.
DAY SIX
10 a.m. Pilates and a matcha latte — which I send via selfie to Maura, of course. We’ve texted a little since our date, but I think she’s just young and single and it’s going to remain super-casual. I’m fine with it! The orgasm in the bathroom was one for the books … I keep thinking about it. So hot.
1 p.m. Manicure, pedicure, and massage, like I do every Saturday.
3 p.m. Catch up with phone calls to my parents and siblings, which I always do every Saturday. They all live in Rhode Island, and we’re very close.
6 p.m. Theo suggested a dive bar for tonight, but I’ve never been there and I’m game. It’s in Bushwick, and I live in Williamsburg, so I take an Uber. I’m not sure what to expect. The guys on Feeld are always so much shadier than the women. But I’m open-minded!
8 p.m. Okay, he’s cute. He’s a good guy, too, I think. He’s divorced and not sure if he believes in monogamy. He’s not particularly attractive to me, but it’s the kind of thing that could change if the sex is good. I made the decision to have sex with him after about ten minutes into the date. It’s just a vibe I got — that I wanted him.
10 p.m. His apartment is a tiny studio, but it’s really nice, actually. He’s an architect and it shows. We get right to business. Kissing, clothing removal. He has a good dick. It’s strong and perfectly proportioned to his body and I’m into it. He puts on a condom, and we start to fuck, and my body is on fire. We both come pretty effortlessly. I think he’s surprised when I start getting dressed right after. Maybe he’s used to needy women, but I can be pretty transactional with this stuff. I mean, we barely know each other, why would I want to cuddle up and talk about sweet nothings at this stage?
DAY SEVEN
9 a.m. I woke up feeling inspired to buy a new kitchen table. I have no idea why. So today, I’m shopping.
11 a.m. Head to Industry City and start by getting a coffee and a pastry. I can’t emphasize enough how much I love being a single woman, and days like this I really feel it. It’s nice just to graze around without having to report to anyone or explain myself.
3 p.m. No luck on the couches, but I did buy a few birthday presents for my nieces and nephews. And I finished the shopping with a bowl of exceptionally good ramen.
5 p.m. I get a “Whatcha up to tonight?” text from Theo — totally predictable. I don’t bother to respond. I’m not that interested in him even though the sex was nice.
8 p.m. Start wrapping my mind around the upcoming workweek. I do wish I had a burning crush right now, but summer is right around the corner, and there’s always a summer romance to be had. Can’t wait!
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